I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
