I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
