filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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