so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
