I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
high people should be assigned attendants
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
