I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
