Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
