lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
