Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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