If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
