you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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