I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
