Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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