I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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