It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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