I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
