She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
