so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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