i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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