Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
