My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
