are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
