I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
even my farts smell like vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
