i'm signing you up for texting rehab
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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