His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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