She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
