You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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