I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
