and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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