i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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