Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
