Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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