Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize