that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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