I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's get the cat blown out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
