In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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