no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize