if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
