I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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