Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
