she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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