I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
