I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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