quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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