Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
