What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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