Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
