Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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