After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
