I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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