I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
