Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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