just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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