This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
