I wannas sexs uuuuu
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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