a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
