My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
