It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
