You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
