You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
