We named our party play list daddy issues
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
