Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
