You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
