listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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