I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
