So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
