Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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