I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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