my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
