The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
