You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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