He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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