I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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