You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
