Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
