Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
