I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
