Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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